Adam's Hemp

22 August 07

I had to run an errand to a church the other day. “What are you, an altar boy!?” I hear you say. No, no, I’m just a spineless person who has done some work for the Church more than once. They are alright to work for, as long as you take only cash, no checks or indulgences!

Anyway, I walked into this church building. I was offered coffee and a shot of rakija, but I only politely accepted a glass of mineral water. The priest and I got into some small talk, but then he started staring at my t-shirt:
— What sort of a t-shirt is that? — he asked.
— Rather nice one. One hundred percent cotton, marvelous quality! — I thought we were still doing the small talk.
— No, I mean: What’s that written on it?
— Erm… “Don’t panic, it’s organic!” — I started realizing a church might not be the best place to wear my t-shirt with a cheap joke on it.
— And that sign… the leaf, what is it?

All hell broke loose when I mentioned hemp and cannabis. Right there in church, too! And then, I made the greatest mistake of the day: I tried to discuss religion with a priest!

— But, but… Didn’t God allow Adam to eat all the fruit in the garden!? There is no prohibition of cannabis in the book… — I tried to rationalize.
— Yes, eat fruit! Not smoke that wretched drug of yours!
— True enough, the Bible doesn’t specify the state of matter… But you do drink wine and smoke tobacco, don’t you?
— Get out of here, you little piece of shit! — the priest was getting his flock’s heads turned.
— Oh God, please save my god-fearing bodily existence from this vulgar antichrist! — I cried as I literally ran out of the church.

It’s generally not wise to discuss Christianity with Christians. They tend to be conversation killers. “I believe in it, and I don’t want you questioning my belief in talking bushes!” kind of attitude. Like I said: take your money and run!


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