Proud Euro Trash

Last night I went to Walmart and bought me a six-pack and drank it in me trailer and watched Eurosong. No, not really, I don’t have a trailer and I get drunk after half a pint and we don’t have Walmart here. European equivalent would be Aldi’s, but that didn’t make it to Serbia either. What we have is Maxi, and speaking of which, I did watch the Eurosong last night.

— What the fuck, why did you watch the Eurosong!?
— For scientific purposes — I wanted to see how the reconciliation among Balkanic peoples works.
— What a sorry excuse!
— Ok, you got me… It was in fact that I heard that Israelis had a really gay singer, and I wanted to see just how gay he was.
— And, how gay was he?
— I don’t know, I had to take a leek [sic] during his performance. But I did see him in short presentations…
— Surely you meant leak, not leek. And?
— Pretty gay!
— Who are you, anyway and why are you talking about all this gayness?
— I dunno. You started talking to me and asked about the Israeli guy…
— Were there some more gay performances?

Yes. In fact many of them were gay. Except of course for the Serbian song, which is either about an old patriarchal custom of waking up on St. Vitus morning and seeing the image of your future husband or about the love for Kosovo. Either way, gay only in the way Eric Cartman would use the word. Though our previous contestant song was very gay too. Not because the lyrics were gay, but because the singer was very lesbian. In the weeks that followed, it turned out that she was not lesbian at all, but only fat and a supporter of the Serbian Radical Party. That was very gay, in the sense in which Eric Cartman would use the word. But, I take an affirmative view of a gayness of a particular television event, and two Serbian presenters sucked. I don’t mind their thick English accent and general inability to string together a coherent sentence, but were they diction-trained by Milka Canić? The same person who trains all TV presenters to start a sentence with a central-Serbian accentuation, drop some southern in the middle and end it in Martian? That was gay in Eric Cartman sense. But gay in the original sense of the word: happy, cheerful, was Bosnian song, which gets all my regards for not being a yet another stupid once-upon-a-time-turbo-folk-now-ethno-pop cry for euthanasia. And the Irish song, man was it gay! I must honestly say that despite their teeth and greasy food, the islanders still have the best sense of humour of all. Why are the Eastern Europeans always the ones to take Eurosong all seriously, while the Westerners take more of a mocking approach? What sort of a complex it is? Probably the same one that makes our TV stations repeat over and over again how this year’s Eurosong Competition is very successful and how all of them foreigners simply love Belgrade and can’t wait to go back home… so they can come back again, of course!